Spiritual & Religious Abuse:
A Journey To Find Authentic Beliefs

Spiritual abuse is a deep and insidious form of trauma that can leave lasting scars on an individual’s emotional, psychological, and spiritual well-being. It is also subtle at times which makes it particularly challenging to find and understand. While not always the case, environments that are highly religious or fundamentalist can have more indigence of this kind of abuse, where the authority of spiritual leaders, doctrines, and traditions is placed above personal autonomy and people may be afraid to come to different conclusions than those already discovered by others who hold special authority. Often there is a dynamic present in which these leaders were selected by God or a higher power and are above human scrutiny or questioning even if they make mistakes. These dynamics are present in many places and can create intense damage for some.

We recognize the profound impact of spiritual abuse and the unique challenges it poses for those recovering from it. Whether it manifests as the misuse of religious teachings to control behavior, instill fear, or suppress individuality, spiritual abuse often results in a profound violation of trust, self-doubt, and an overwhelming sense of shame.

For individuals raised in these environments, the journey of recovery can be complex. The rules and expectations ingrained from an early age often clash with the emerging parts of themselves that recognize the damage inflicted. These individuals may find themselves grappling with questions about the nature of God, their faith, and their own worth. Healing from spiritual abuse requires a delicate balance of understanding and respecting the belief systems they come from while empowering them to reclaim their personal autonomy and explore their own values and beliefs.

At the core of spiritual abuse is a profound violation of trust. In religious and spiritual environments, authority figures such as pastors, elders, priests, rabbis, or imams are often seen as representatives of a higher power, entrusted with guiding others on their spiritual journey. When these figures misuse their authority—whether through manipulation, control, physical or sexual abuse or emotional and psychological coercion—they betray the sacred trust placed in them. This betrayal can be devastating, leaving individuals feeling abandoned not only by their spiritual leaders but by the very God or higher power they were taught to believe in.

For many people, this betrayal leads to a deep crisis of faith. They may begin to doubt whether any kind of higher power exists or whether they can ever trust again. Some may feel disillusioned with the idea of God altogether, questioning how a loving and benevolent deity could allow such abuse to occur. Others may find themselves trapped in a cycle of guilt and fear, believing that questioning their faith or their spiritual leaders is itself a sin so they must submit even if their body is revolting or they are crippled by anxiety or depression. They take these on as simply signs of the times or unrelated to the environment.

Our focus is to help individuals navigate this complex emotional landscape by validating their feelings of betrayal and disillusionment. We offer a safe and nonjudgmental space for individuals to explore their doubts, fears, and questions. In the process of healing, it’s essential to recognize that questioning authority and re-evaluating one’s beliefs is not an act of rebellion but a crucial step toward reclaiming personal autonomy and spiritual freedom.

One of the most pervasive and harmful consequences of spiritual abuse is the overwhelming sense of shame that it fosters. Shame in religious contexts is often weaponized, used as a tool to control behavior and suppress individuality. Individuals who are raised in strict religious environments may be taught that they are inherently sinful, broken, or unworthy. They may be told that their desires, thoughts, and actions are not just wrong but deserving of eternal punishment. When they do find solace in sexual acting out or drinking or any other means of checking out emotionally they can feel deeply distraught at how ‘bad’ they are and hide this behavior believing no one who was ‘godly’ would do such things. This experience isolates and injures these individuals by preventing them from realizing what they are experiencing is deeply human, likely a normal response to their experience and something that they can be loved, helped and supported through.

Sexuality, shame and spiritual and religious trauma are all highly correlated. This is because sexuality is a very vulnerable part of us at young ages and when messages that sex is bad and wrong in almost all instances outside of narrow expressions that may be approved it creates a profound bind for young people growing up in these environments. Sexuality is a wonderful, beautiful source of pleasure and connection and when there is no allowable way for it to be expressed in a young person that is healthy pressure and shame build. If something sexually traumatizing is added to this mix like a sexual experience with a sibling, sexual abuse from someone older or exposure to pornography or a digital predator sexuality in the highly religious environment can be tied for decades with crippling shame. This is because now the young person has done something they view as horrible and unforgivable and they may have even felt pleasure while it was happening (whether it was desired or not) adding another layer of deep confusion, self loathing and shame to them.

This kind of messaging leaves deep emotional scars. Shame becomes internalized and can even become an identity, creating a sense of self-loathing and a belief that they are fundamentally flawed. This belief system then controls every further interaction in life leaving deep echos.  In religious contexts, the fear of divine punishment often magnifies this shame. Individuals may feel that not only are they unworthy in the eyes of their community, but they are also unworthy in the eyes of God. This sense of shame can become so overwhelming that it paralyzes them, making it difficult to seek help, express doubts, or even consider the possibility of living outside the confines of their religious upbringing. These are unique prisons of the soul and something that we care deeply about. We work with you, carefully slowly and respectfully to chart a course back to who you really may be.

We emphasize the importance of addressing and dismantling shame as part of the healing process. We help individuals recognize that the shame they feel is not an inherent truth but rather a construct imposed by the abusive dynamics of their religious environment. By exploring the roots of their shame, individuals can begin to release themselves from its grip and cultivate self-compassion.

Spiritual abuse often leads to the development of conflicting parts within an individual. These parts are coping mechanisms that emerge to navigate the harsh environment created by religious abuse. One part may embody the desire to “follow the rules” and “do everything right,” driven by fear of divine punishment or rejection by the religious community. This part may take on the role of the compliant, dutiful individual who outwardly adheres to religious expectations, striving to be perfect in the eyes of both their spiritual leaders and God. It may be quite good at this and believe in the work it does and its importance.

However, beneath the surface, another part may hold the hidden emotions of rage, pain, or betrayal. In environments where abuse occurs but rage, hatred or terror are not welcomed or viewed as inherently sinful a double trap is created. These emotions are the very natural responses to the stimuli but they are shamed as wrong causing us to wall parts of ourselves away and to hate those parts. This part carries the wounds inflicted by the abuse—the anger at being manipulated, the sorrow of having one’s individuality suppressed, and the deep sense of injustice that comes from being harmed by the very system that was supposed to offer safety and guidance. This hidden part may feel resentment toward the religious teachings or leaders and may even question the very foundation of the belief system itself.

The conflict between these parts can create intense inner turmoil. The compliant part may suppress the emotions of the wounded part, fearing that expressing doubt or anger would lead to divine punishment. Meanwhile, the wounded part may grow more frustrated and desperate to be heard, creating an internal battle that is exhausting and painful.

For individuals recovering from spiritual abuse, one of the most difficult challenges they face is grappling with their beliefs about God or a higher power. In highly religious or orthodox environments, individuals are often taught that doubt is sinful and that questioning the existence or nature of God is a path to punishment or damnation. As a result, many people experience intense fear when they begin to question the teachings they grew up with.

This fear is compounded by the internalized belief that God is punitive and vengeful—that any deviation from the prescribed path will result in divine retribution. Individuals may feel torn between the part of themselves that sees the flaws and abuses in their religious upbringing and the part that still fears punishment for thinking such thoughts.

We approach this delicate issue with empathy and respect for each person’s unique spiritual journey. We help individuals navigate their doubts and fears without imposing any specific belief system. Instead, we encourage them to explore their own values, beliefs, and relationship with the concept of a higher power in a way that feels authentic to them. For some, this may involve reconnecting with a new understanding of God, while for others, it may mean finding peace in the absence of traditional religious beliefs. Whatever your path, we support you in finding your own truth.

Those who go on to develop addictions often can come from these environments (certainly not exclusively). It should be no surprise that in a place where there is a visible world where they operate in which all is well and then a hidden world where other parts of them get to fully express their pain, rage or grief often through acting out or using that addiction can easily take root. Those who grew up in these environments are often deeply skilled at hiding parts of themselves and presenting others. While this incredible skill helps them survive it also creates a deep sense of shame and isolation and even more devastating there is a sense of a lack of true self as if they cannot locate who they really are. Their own personal truth is so deeply hidden even from them that it seems inaccessible.

Recovery from spiritual abuse often interacts with recovery from other challenges we face. As we rediscover who we really are, begin to show the parts that have been shamed and outcast to those who we trust to see them, and begin to live as a single person, healing can happen in many areas of life. Again the spiritual wound is a pathway when healing and address to a profoundly changed and meaningful life.

One of the most critical aspects of healing from spiritual abuse is reclaiming personal autonomy—the ability to make one’s own decisions about what to believe, how to live, and what values to hold. In highly controlled environments, individuals are often told what to think, what to feel, and what to believe, leaving little room for personal exploration or growth. The process of recovery involves breaking free from these external pressures and discovering one’s own voice.

We encourage individuals to explore their own beliefs and values, separate from the ones they were raised with. This is not about rejecting their upbringing entirely but about finding what resonates with them on a personal level. Whatever God or higher power you may respect likely would want people to choose connection from a place of freedom vs compulsion or fear. If you resonate with that concept this road will be helpful. We respect the belief systems that individuals come from, and we honor the fact that each person’s spiritual journey is deeply personal. However, we also gently encourage individuals to listen to their inner voice, to question what doesn’t feel right, and to trust their own instincts. In the end your beliefs must truly be yours and no one else’s in order to mean anything to you that is genuine.

Reclaiming autonomy can be a liberating but also frightening process. Many individuals fear that by stepping away from the teachings they were raised with, they will face divine punishment or rejection. They may worry that they are betraying their family, their community, or even God. It’s also comforting when someone else has all the ‘answers’ to every possible question you might come up with. That comfort is often the price of freedom however. These fears are valid and understandable, given the intensity of the messages they received growing up. In many ways people who have been through this are called on a great adventure to find out who they really are and what they really believe and as daunting as it sounds, to find the answers for themselves. Knowledge cannot truly be given, it must be discovered.

For many individuals raised in strict religious environments, the fear of divine punishment is a significant barrier to healing. They may feel a constant sense of dread, believing that any deviation from their religious upbringing will result in God’s wrath. This fear can be paralyzing, preventing individuals from exploring their own beliefs or even considering the possibility that the teachings they were raised with may have been harmful or abusive.

At Volo, we understand that this fear is deeply ingrained, and we approach it with compassion. We recognize that for some individuals, the fear of divine punishment is not something that can be easily dismissed. However, we also help individuals explore the possibility that their understanding of God or a higher power may have been shaped by abusive dynamics within their religious environment. We gently guide them to consider new ways of thinking about God, spirituality, and their place in the world—ways that are rooted in love, compassion, and personal truth, rather than fear and control.

Healing from spiritual abuse is a deeply personal and often challenging journey. It involves grappling with complex emotions, re-evaluating long-held beliefs, and finding a new sense of autonomy and inner peace. We are committed to walking alongside individuals on this path, offering support, guidance, and empathy every step of the way and the tools and content needed to make progress here. We have no agenda, offer no answers and do not attempt to hold any position of expertise here. Rather we help support you finding those within yourself.