Finding Our Way Home From Trauma:
A Gentle Approach

Trauma is often misunderstood as something that happens during extreme events—accidents, war, or natural disasters. And while these traumas are large and devastating and can certainly leave deep scars, trauma exists on a spectrum. We understand that trauma doesn’t always announce itself with sirens or sudden catastrophic events. It can also occur quietly, gradually, and invisibly over time, especially in childhood, where we are at our most vulnerable and forming our understand of how the world works and our place within it.

Some trauma is more subtle, yet equally damaging. Emotional neglect, abandonment, or even witnessing the emotional struggles of caregivers can leave a lasting imprint on the psyche, altering the way a person experiences and navigates life. When these experiences happen repeatedly or are left unresolved, they can develop into what we call complex trauma, often leading to a diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Pressure or pain, even subtle over time can equal or exceed a big wave of suffering that is concentrated at a single moment or event.

Most of us have experienced trauma. While most parents do the best they know how to do there is almost always an imprint of trauma left behind, often generational in nature. Once we are adults life inevitably continues to present us with events beyond our capacity to handle.

We hold an unalienable belief that no matter how deeply ingrained the trauma may be, it can be healed. The journey is slow, gentle, and often painful—but it’s also possible and transformative. Whether you’re dealing with your own trauma or supporting someone else through theirs, we’re here to walk with you on the path. We offer a great deal of expertise and education, tools, practices that are designed to safely and carefully guide you through this journey. Trauma recovery is best done with the help of a trained professional whenever possible who specializes in trauma but our work can complement this work and deepen and accelerate the journey. For those who cannot access such a person we offer a way to still make significant progress in healing and growth.

To understand how trauma affects us, it’s helpful to use the “Big T” and “Little t” framework.

• Big T Trauma refers to life-threatening or severely distressing events—abuse, violence, war, or significant loss—that directly harm an individual’s emotional or physical well-being.
• Little t Trauma encompasses events that may seem smaller or less intense but are chronic and cumulative in nature. These might include ongoing emotional neglect, feeling unseen or unsupported, or enduring chronic criticism or judgment.

Both types of trauma can have long-lasting effects. People will often say oh nothing like that ever happened to me but in doing so they often miss the environment they grew up in, the energy of that place and if their needs were truly met. “Big T” traumas are easier to identify, but “Little t” traumas can be just as destructive over time because they subtly erode a person’s sense of safety and self-worth. When a person experiences repeated or sustained trauma—particularly in childhood—their emotional, psychological, and even physical development can be severely impacted. As an example, studies have shown that witnessing someone being abused as a child can be just as damaging for the person witnessing it as the person being abused.

Complex trauma often originates in childhood, a time when the brain is highly malleable, and we are dependent on caregivers for safety, nurturing, and emotional regulation. When trauma occurs during this stage, it doesn’t just harm the psyche—it alters the very architecture of the developing brain.

To better understand how childhood trauma affects us, consider the analogy of a young tree growing in a harsh environment. If the tree is repeatedly battered by storms or deprived of sunlight, its growth will be stunted, and it will struggle to thrive. Similarly, when children experience trauma—whether it’s abuse, neglect, or the absence of emotional support—their emotional and psychological growth can be hindered. They may learn to survive in a world that feels unsafe by developing coping mechanisms that help them manage their pain but limit their ability to connect fully with themselves or others. The good news is much can be healed and the strength they found to survive such a world will be with them always.

This understanding echoes the wisdom of trauma experts like Gabor Maté, who have long pointed out that trauma is not just about what happened to us—it’s about what happened inside us as a result of those experiences. Childhood trauma can lead to a range of issues in adulthood, including addiction, relationship struggles, anxiety, and depression. It also leaves people more vulnerable to experiencing trauma in the future, reinforcing the cycle of pain.

When discussing childhood trauma, it can be helpful to think in terms of the “hot box” and “cold box” concepts.

• The Hot Box represents active, overt abuse—physical, sexual, or emotional. This is the kind of trauma where the child is directly harmed, often by a caregiver or someone in a position of trust. These experiences are intense and leave deep emotional scars.
• The Cold Box refers to the trauma of neglect, emotional unavailability, or abandonment. This form of trauma is less visible but just as damaging. A child in the cold box may not be hit or verbally assaulted, but they are left emotionally alone. This neglect can make a child feel invisible, unworthy, or unlovable.

Both types of trauma—hot and cold—can have devastating effects on a child’s development. In both cases, the child is left with the overwhelming sense that the world is not safe and that they are not valued. Without a strong sense of security, these children grow into adults who struggle with relationships, self-worth, and mental health issues.

Trauma affects development in profound ways, especially when it occurs in childhood. Children who grow up in unsafe or unstable environments must adapt to survive. This often means developing coping mechanisms that allow them to manage overwhelming emotions or make sense of the chaos around them.

For example, a child might learn to dissociate—mentally “check out”—during moments of extreme stress. While this might protect them from feeling the full brunt of the pain in the moment, dissociation becomes problematic when it’s overused, leading to a chronic disconnection from one’s emotions and body. Other children might develop hypervigilance, constantly scanning their environment for danger and finding it difficult to relax or feel safe.

These coping mechanisms, though adaptive in the moment, often become maladaptive as the child grows into adulthood. The once-helpful strategies for avoiding pain start to hinder personal relationships, emotional regulation, and the ability to lead a fulfilling life. They effect our attachment styles as we search for safety through human connection. These follow us and usually change only when we deal with these underlying wounds.

In many cases, the traumatic experiences of childhood leave individuals with a deep sense of shame—a belief that they are inherently flawed or unworthy of love and belonging. This shame is often reinforced by the very environments that caused the trauma, creating a cycle that is difficult to escape. Children cannot give accountability where it is due as these caregivers are unimpeachable to a child given they are quite truly the only way the child stays alive. Given this reality a child must do something with the pain of what is happening. 100% of the time the child will take the blame onto and into themselves. To then believe they deserved what happened, or were responsible in some way for it, or even wanted it or enjoyed it all become part of their carried system of shame. This is shame that belongs to others that they take onto themselves.

Shame is a powerful and corrosive emotion, particularly for individuals who have experienced trauma. While there could be a concept of healthy shame that reminds us of our limits and expressed our value system back to ourselves when we wander outside of it, in trauma based situations shame acts differently. It acts like a poison, convincing us that our very essence is tainted, that we are not worthy of love, care, or happiness. For those who experienced childhood trauma, shame often becomes a core part of their identity. It can feel like a black tar that we can never fully clean off.

In environments of abuse or neglect, children are frequently told—either explicitly or implicitly—that they are the cause of their own suffering. They may be blamed for the abuse or made to feel responsible for the neglect they endured. Over time, these messages become internalized, leading to a deep sense of unworthiness and self-loathing.

Trauma experts, such as Bessel van der Kolk, highlight that shame is not just a feeling—it’s a force that shapes how we view ourselves and interact with the world. When shame is present, it can fuel cycles of abuse, addiction, and self-destruction. Instead of motivating positive change, shame keeps people trapped in patterns of avoidance and self-sabotage.

At Volo, we believe that removing shame from the healing process is essential. It’s important to understand that the ways we’ve coped with trauma—whether through addiction, isolation, or destructive behaviors—are not indications of our moral failings. Rather, they are the brain and body’s best attempts to survive overwhelming pain. Healing from trauma requires a deep and compassionate understanding of the coping mechanisms we’ve developed, as well as the courage to let go of the shame that has kept us bound to these patterns.

One of the most common effects of trauma, especially complex trauma, is the development of what some refer to as a “shadow self.” This shadow self is the part of us that holds the pain, betrayal, and agony of our traumatic experiences. In many cases, this part becomes exiled, buried deep within us because it is too painful or threatening to face.

The exiled part often contains feelings of anger, rage, and helplessness—emotions that were suppressed because they were too dangerous to express in the environment where the trauma occurred. For example, a child who was abused by a caregiver may have learned to suppress their anger toward that caregiver out of fear of retaliation or further harm. Instead of expressing that anger, the child turns it inward, leading to feelings of shame, depression, or self-hatred.

Over time, this exiled part can wreak havoc on a person’s life, manifesting as depression, anxiety, addiction, or self-sabotage. It may also interfere with relationships, as the exiled part seeks validation or expression in unhealthy ways.

At Volo, we support the journey individuals take to gently bring these exiled parts back into the fold. By acknowledging and integrating the shadow self, individuals can begin to heal the wounds of trauma and move toward a more unified and compassionate sense of self.

One of the most tragic aspects of trauma is its tendency to perpetuate itself. Individuals who experience trauma, especially in childhood, often find themselves repeating the same patterns with their own children, partners, or friends. This is not because they want to cause harm, but because their own unhealed wounds make it difficult to engage in healthy relationships or behaviors and given they have not yet integrated or found healthy places to express the pain or rage transfer it instead to the next person.

Trauma is often passed down through generations in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. A parent who was neglected as a child may struggle to provide emotional support to their own children, not because they don’t care, but because they never learned how to offer that kind of nurturing. Similarly, a person who grew up in a household where anger was met with violence may develop a pattern of either suppressing their anger or expressing it in destructive ways. Those who were sexually abused as children can struggle with repetition of these cycles on other children. Trauma rolls downhill until someone has the courage to stand in its way and so ‘no more, it stops here with me’.

Healing from trauma is not just about ending the cycle for oneself—it’s about breaking the chain of generational trauma. By addressing the root causes of their own pain, individuals can prevent the transmission of trauma to future generations. You investing the time in this work truly changes the world. It’s that big of a deal.

Healing from complex trauma and PTSD is not an overnight process, but it is a journey that can lead to profound personal growth and transformation. Trauma experts like Gabor Maté and Bessel van der Kolk have shown that while trauma leaves deep wounds, the human capacity for healing is equally deep. The process of recovery requires patience, compassion, and a willingness to confront difficult emotions. It involves reconnecting with the parts of ourselves that were lost or buried and learning to integrate them into our lives in a healthy, balanced way.

One of the first steps on the path to healing is acknowledging that trauma, whether it originated from a “Big T” event or a series of “Little t” experiences, has impacted you. This validation is crucial because trauma often exists in an environment of denial or minimization—both from others and from ourselves. Once we can acknowledge the trauma, we can begin the work of unpacking its effects on our relationships, emotions, and sense of self. People sometimes face mockery or sarcasm when sharing about trauma as people will insist that couldn’t have been a big deal. But the truth is what is trauma for one person may not be trauma for another but this makes it no less valid an experience of trauma for the person who experienced it. If it exceeded their capacity to handle or process it or if their innate needs for safety, consent and nurturing were violated it’s not for anyone else to tell you what something felt like.

Another critical part of the healing process is somatic work—or reconnecting with the body. As Bessel van der Kolk has famously noted, “the body keeps the score.” Trauma is not just a psychological experience; it is stored in the body, affecting how we respond to stress, how we perceive safety, and how we regulate our emotions. Reconnecting with the body through practices like mindfulness, yoga, or other forms of movement can help release the trauma that has been stored physically and allow for a more holistic recovery. We build in actives that engage your body at Volo in our process to continue to connect you back to your somatic experience.

In addition to somatic work, inner emotional work is essential. This involves gently exploring and acknowledging the emotions that were buried during traumatic experiences. These may include anger, sadness, fear, or grief. For many, these emotions were too overwhelming or dangerous to express during the traumatic event, so they were pushed aside. But in healing, it’s important to allow these emotions to surface in a safe, supportive environment. This helps release the emotional tension that has built up over time and provides an opportunity to integrate the emotional self with the present-day self. We need to be able to explore the ‘darker’ or more difficult experiences of trauma that live within us and then be supported in letting what is a very valid emotional experience find a means of expression which is safe for both you and others. Some become afraid of what lies within and so continue to keep it walled off. But this approach likely offers the least true protection. It is those who have befriended their shadow parts that create true safety in the world.

As we mentioned earlier, Internal Family Systems (IFS) can play a significant role in trauma healing. The exiled parts of ourselves—the shadow selves that carry the pain, betrayal, and fear of past trauma—can be slowly and gently brought back into the fold. This doesn’t mean they control us, but that we acknowledge their existence and provide them with the care and attention they need to heal. When we stop exiling these parts and begin to listen to their pain, we can move toward wholeness.

At Volo, we are committed to helping individuals on this healing journey through trauma recovery. We provide a compassionate, nonjudgmental space where individuals can explore their past experiences, process their emotions, and reconnect with themselves. Our approach is grounded in the belief that healing is possible, no matter how deep the wounds may be.

A critical aspect of healing from trauma is the removal of shame. As discussed earlier, shame is not a useful motivator for healing. In fact, shame acts as a barrier, keeping us locked in cycles of pain and self-blame. For many people, shame is the emotion that underpins their trauma. It tells them that they are flawed, unworthy, or incapable of healing. But this is not true.

Healing from trauma requires a compassionate approach—one that removes shame from the equation. At Volo, we encourage individuals to view their past behaviors, coping mechanisms, and survival strategies not as moral failures but as adaptive responses to overwhelming pain. Addiction, dissociation, hypervigilance, and other symptoms of trauma were often the only way a person could cope with their experiences at the time. They were doing the best they could in a situation that felt unbearable and they are not alone. What lies underneath is unseen and so we can so often feel alone but if we were able for even a moment to truly see what every human being was struggling with we would instantly realize our experience is profoundly human and it belongs.

When we remove shame from the healing process, we allow ourselves to feel compassion for our younger selves and to begin seeing our trauma responses in a new light. This is a liberating experience that allows for deeper healing. It is through this lens of compassion that we can begin to dismantle the patterns of avoidance, self-sabotage, and self-blame that trauma has created.

Healing from complex trauma and PTSD is not easy, but it is possible. No matter how deep the wounds may go, the journey toward healing is one that can bring profound transformation. We aim to support you every step of the way, offering a safe space to explore your trauma, release shame, and rebuild your life from a place of strength and self-compassion. There are some exercises we will not do like EMDR which requires a practitioner but there are numerous approaches and tools that we do leverage to help support you in making incredible progress.

Trauma may have shaped your past, but it does not have to define your future. Healing is a journey—one that unfolds slowly, gently, and with care. And as you walk this path, know that you are not alone. It’s an honor to walk alongside you and support your healing and the healing of all those who you may impact in the world in a positive way.